Pour Your Heart Out - Missing My Mom

I'm not good in pouring my heart out.. I'm a keeper even though I know getting it out could make me feel better. But reading other people that participate this week gave me the courage will try to say something here that I kept with me for so long...

Thanks a lot Shell for Pour Your Heart Out ...

Owkay...

take a deep breath - here we go...

Not a lot of people knows except my family, my best friends and old family friend that my biological mom pass away while I was just -if i'm not mistaken- 6 yrs old and she was pregnant for 5 month -this one also if i'm not mistaken-, the baby went with her. Not long after she died, my father and I move to Jakarta. I live with my auntie while my father is working out of town, he gets home every 3 months, he get pretty busy and I remember how rarely we met and talk to each other.

One day, when I was almost 8, my auntie came to me and ask my idea of having a new mom... I refused... but of course.. that didn't prevent my daddy to married my new mom...

Shorten up, now I have a great mom and 2 silly brother, they always makes me laugh...

But, every family has their own story...

We never talk about my late mom, it was like she never even exist, I only have 1 picture of her liting my 4th birthday candle, my grandma gave it to me, thats it!

I don't even know if my brothers knows about this and I'm their step sister... and I dreaded their reactions if they knew.. sooner or later they will know... but that's not the point..

My unfinished feelings and questions because of the lack of communication between me and my dad.... I never really get over with her dead. There's a lot of question running around in my head, what is she like? what is her hobby? likes and dislikes? what is her favorite song? favorite food? how did she died? is it true that she died pregnant?

really... I don't know...

I don't entirely blame my parents for not telling anything to me. I too, never had the guts to ask them my questions... I'm afraid my father will be hurt and my mother will be offended...

I always had this one vision of me and my late mom doing a silly dance and sing in our old living room... but I'm not sure... probably my eagerness "created" those visions and make my self believe that it really happen... God knows how much I miss her...

some time I cry... my lovely reader knows how sloppy I am...

I cry for missing her... so deeply...

I really wish that someday I could have all the answer... hoping I could talk about her especially with my dad, I need to know his feelings towards her... I don't even know for sure if he loves her...

But, every time I miss her and needs her I know she is there...

Now I'm diverting all my love for my mom to my 2 little princess... so they have double love from me...

And each night I pray to God to keep me live for long enough to raised them and see them grow...

pppfffuiiihh... wow...that's quite a relief....

xoxo

PS. Thanks Shell...

Getting To know You - Sloppy, Belle, Plastic Surgery, Vajazzle and much more!!!

ahoy there...

Happy Sunday..

Its quite late here in Jakarta, Cute Z is sleep already... Gorgeous F is still busy with her play cards, so I have a little spare time for GTKY.. hop over to http://www.mannland5.com/ to join to fun!!





The Questions
1.If you had 5000.00 to spend on plastic surgery what would you have done?
2. Do you watch Soap operas and if so what is your favorite and why?
3. Favorite clothing brand?
4. An afternoon shopping spree at your favorite store or maid service for a year?
5. would you ever vajazzle?
6. Favorite Disney Princess?
7. Last movie that made you bawl your eyes out?
8. Have you ever broken any bones and if so what?

here's mine...

1.If you had 5000.00 to spend on plastic surgery what would you have done?
hhmm... tummy and boobs... being pregnant for 2 times and breasfeeding makes it a bit far from the original... not saying that the original is perfect, but looking at my self now... i'll beg for the original... not much... just the original...

2. Do you watch Soap operas and if so what is your favorite and why?
have not in many years... I remember one of the most famous soap opera in Indonesia "Maria Mercedes" its from Mexico... Thalia played Maria..

3. Favorite clothing brand?
Don't have anything in particular... i'll go with the design not brand

4. An afternoon shopping spree at your favorite store or maid service for a year?
ouch.. this is hard!! both??

yeah.. i go with both...

what? now, don't give me that look!! its your fault not choose both... We deserve it, mommy!!

haha... okay...
i'll go with shopping spree... because maid service is quite common in Indonesia, each house normaly had 1, we don't have to pay a lot like in several countries to have a maid service... sorry girls!

5. would you ever vajazzle?
uh uh... and make it shine like disco-ball?? dont think so... lol


6. Favorite Disney Princess?
Belle...

7. Last movie that made you bawl your eyes out?
I bawl almost on every drama... i'm a sloppy-ditch, last one is Hachiko and My Name is Khan...

8. Have you ever broken any bones and if so what?
never...

Thats it...
ups!! see.. now everyone is a sleep, even my hubby... gettin' ready to join them..

Have a blessed day everyone....

xoxo

Today.. a year a go...

Today a year a go, Gorgeous F is hospitalized because of dengue fever...
She refuses to take picture and look at the camera because she think she look awful...

Flashing back, all I remember was how cooperative she was.. she didn't cry even just a bit. Its her first time ever. Only a bit scared when the doctor comes in and take blood example from her arm every morning, but she always try not to cry... she's so brave...

She stays in for 5 days and when the doctor said that the platelet on her blood is already in normal range she could go home...

This picture is taken about 2 or 3 weeks a go, this is how she wants to take a picture... all dressed up, smiling and in style...

... time does fly fast...

xoxo

Thursday FIVE - Mi Primera Vez

Okay... this is what I called 'back to updating my blog'... after 1 week neglected, in less than 2 hour I do 2 post... 1 is about my trip to Singapore and 1 is for the Thursday 5 hosted by Keely@Mannland5... check it out and join the fun...

Just write down the things that makes you

Happy

Delighted

Grateful

Totally Stoked

or

Thankful

Here's mine : 

1.) Coming back from the trip last week and finally meet my 2 darling angels again...

2.) My big 'ole family is planning a vacation this weekend... we are planning to visit one of my uncle's  place out of town...believe me, its rarely happen because its so hard to gather them if not for Christmas and New Year.... it must be FUN...

3.) I'm grateful for today weather...coz its remind me a lot of Christmas... I really love Christmas and miss that time all year through...

4.) My new assignment... well its a bitter sweet form because in other way to say its only an additional job to be done (not additional salary though... *sigh*) , but quite excited for its a whole new experience for me...

5.) Thank GOD, because its my Mothers Birthday.... already talk to her over the phone...will probably go the her place tonight... Happy Birthday Mom... Luv U....

So.. thats that!

xoxo