After 3 Year and 4 Month..

3 years and 4 months since my last post.

A lot of things change except where Im working.

Kids get a lot lot bigger (of course *drooling*) 

Gorgeous F is 11 yrs old now and Cute Z is 5.

Things arent working out as we planned it to be, me and hubs decide live separately.
Its been going on for 2 years now.
It takes time to adjust the daily routines, the feelings and all the new conditions...especially for the kids. It was hard on the first year, I have to managed everything on my own and feeling lonely because there are times when the kids must stay at their dads.
But gradually all the broken pieces starts to fall on its place. We are getting better now. We've learn to accept the new condition. I know the adjustment wont stop here, we still need more time. But it is better now then it was last year. It is even better now then it was during the 9 years with live together.
The good thing is it only need like 10 minutes drive fm my house to hubs and we have decide that we will not give any limitations for each of us to see the kids. And the kids are also free to decide where they would like to spent the night. But most of the weekend they stay with me.
Well that's that...
what's been going on for more then 3 year.
I will post pics of the Gorgeous F and Cute Z later, I've tried to post it now but I don't know what is wrong with my PC, it wont upload the picture.

Will post again anytime soon...

...We Both Love to Dance...

Memories, may be beautiful and yet
what's too painful to remember
we simply choose to forget
So it's the laughter we will remember
whenever we remember
the way we were.

The Way We Were - Barbra Streisand

I've downloaded this song quite long ago, and put it on my Blackberry, but accidentally forgotten and I never listed it on any of my play list. And yesterday when I randomly played all the song (total 195 songs) this song came up while I was on the train on my way back home.... 

And suddenly, all my childhood memories just burst into my head....,
 it gives me goosebumps coz it ended up with my moms face all over my head....
I hope I have more to remember...
but realize that I dont have much...

only a few memories...
But I'm happy that most of the few that I remember was the nice things, all the beautiful things...

All my family and old friends of my family said that I inherit everything that my dad have...
face, hair, skin tone, smile, how I walk I get it from him....
 we even have same attitude...

But I have a vision and I'm quite sure that this vision is really happen long time a go
Me and my lovely mother dance a silly dance together and sing a long even though I forgot what is the song
And I know in my heart, that we have one thing in common,
we both love to dance....
I know ...it was beautiful

I miss her a lot.....
so so much...

Can it be that it was all so simple then

or has time rewritten every line?
If we had the chance to do it all again
tell me would we? Could we?
The Way We Were - Barbra Streisand

xoxo

p.s. my mom died when I was 6 years old...

FACES that I Just CANT Ressist!!!

A lot of my friend said that Cute Z had an extra size lips... I don't care what they all said, I'm not going to deny it... she is...but I found it cute and a bit sexy....

So, would love to share you all the many faces of Z... (sorry about the picture quality... taken from a mobile cam)

This could be "no more picture please" or "what are you lookin' at" face...

 just woke up from her nap, and I think she is all fired up to do some "cleaning"...

 

This is her face at the end of the day... after the "cleaning"...

this only indicate that she had a very good night sleep.... a happy stretching face in the morning...

and it continued.... more happy faces...

and probably this is why i think her lips is sexy...

Okay, watch out Jolie... someone is going to beat you up!!

Have a great weekend!!!

xoxo

Woosaaaah.....

I need to take a deep breath....
I hate neglecting my blog and I hate writing down bad news...
But that all there is now...

hhmm... dunno where shud I start...
Hubs is exposed to dengue fever outbreak, so I've been spending my entire last week in hospital, but he's out now and he's getting better...
at time like this, I try not to focus on the bad, and need to think more positive and be gratefull...
So, I'm thinking of my "thank you" list now... it always works..

Thank God for my hubs is finally home now and getting better...

I'm thankful for my 2 kiddos, the light of my day...

Thankful for those beautiful, blast and happy days..

Thankful for the neighbor at the hospital that always makes me and my hubs laugh... seriously funny people...

Thankful for i've been given the chance to "enjoy" the hard times... and all the love and prayers from family and friends..

Thankful for the beautiful weather today...

Thankful for my job...

Thankful 'coz now I could blog again...

I even thankful for the new salon that would only takes me 5 minutes walking from home... finaly a me-time-place not far from home...

Realize that theres so many to be thankful for...

what's yours??

xoxo

...Brothers MANGA Drawings...

I'm staying at mums house this weekend...after waiting almost like a day long they finally handed over the laptop to me...
okay, some of you who reads my previous post probably think that this has something to do with it... but nope.
I want to thank all commenters for the support, writing could be one of the solutions...

anyway...

I found this picture

this is my youngest brothers courtesy... already ask him for permission, and he immediately agree... he is just 13 yrs old and he really loves to draw manga (click on it and smart Mr.Wiki will explain it to you)
He wants to know your opinion... if you don't mind sparing your time...
I told you... they are always a lot of fun...

Thanks before....


xoxo

PS. Its all written in Bahasa and some still not finish yet... so just comment on the drawings...

Pour Your Heart Out - Missing My Mom

I'm not good in pouring my heart out.. I'm a keeper even though I know getting it out could make me feel better. But reading other people that participate this week gave me the courage will try to say something here that I kept with me for so long...

Thanks a lot Shell for Pour Your Heart Out ...

Owkay...

take a deep breath - here we go...

Not a lot of people knows except my family, my best friends and old family friend that my biological mom pass away while I was just -if i'm not mistaken- 6 yrs old and she was pregnant for 5 month -this one also if i'm not mistaken-, the baby went with her. Not long after she died, my father and I move to Jakarta. I live with my auntie while my father is working out of town, he gets home every 3 months, he get pretty busy and I remember how rarely we met and talk to each other.

One day, when I was almost 8, my auntie came to me and ask my idea of having a new mom... I refused... but of course.. that didn't prevent my daddy to married my new mom...

Shorten up, now I have a great mom and 2 silly brother, they always makes me laugh...

But, every family has their own story...

We never talk about my late mom, it was like she never even exist, I only have 1 picture of her liting my 4th birthday candle, my grandma gave it to me, thats it!

I don't even know if my brothers knows about this and I'm their step sister... and I dreaded their reactions if they knew.. sooner or later they will know... but that's not the point..

My unfinished feelings and questions because of the lack of communication between me and my dad.... I never really get over with her dead. There's a lot of question running around in my head, what is she like? what is her hobby? likes and dislikes? what is her favorite song? favorite food? how did she died? is it true that she died pregnant?

really... I don't know...

I don't entirely blame my parents for not telling anything to me. I too, never had the guts to ask them my questions... I'm afraid my father will be hurt and my mother will be offended...

I always had this one vision of me and my late mom doing a silly dance and sing in our old living room... but I'm not sure... probably my eagerness "created" those visions and make my self believe that it really happen... God knows how much I miss her...

some time I cry... my lovely reader knows how sloppy I am...

I cry for missing her... so deeply...

I really wish that someday I could have all the answer... hoping I could talk about her especially with my dad, I need to know his feelings towards her... I don't even know for sure if he loves her...

But, every time I miss her and needs her I know she is there...

Now I'm diverting all my love for my mom to my 2 little princess... so they have double love from me...

And each night I pray to God to keep me live for long enough to raised them and see them grow...

pppfffuiiihh... wow...that's quite a relief....

xoxo

PS. Thanks Shell...

Today.. a year a go...

Today a year a go, Gorgeous F is hospitalized because of dengue fever...
She refuses to take picture and look at the camera because she think she look awful...

Flashing back, all I remember was how cooperative she was.. she didn't cry even just a bit. Its her first time ever. Only a bit scared when the doctor comes in and take blood example from her arm every morning, but she always try not to cry... she's so brave...

She stays in for 5 days and when the doctor said that the platelet on her blood is already in normal range she could go home...

This picture is taken about 2 or 3 weeks a go, this is how she wants to take a picture... all dressed up, smiling and in style...

... time does fly fast...

xoxo

..Busy Buzzy Week...

have been so busy lately... I even missed PINT *sigh*
Monday is my daughter birthday party.. 'twas fun, she had a great time and she received at least half of her wish list... but she hadn't got the #1 on the list... a PSP ... I know.. its so last year thing, but I always thought that she's not old enough...but well she'll get it this year... she just need to wait a bit more... a bit bit more...

anyway...

all week have been about my trip abroad... from the pile of my training docs, passport, until the tiny winy thing such as what clothe to wear, sunglasses, hat, shorts, flip flops...wait...are we on for training or traveling?? lol... okay I kinda get a bit excited... a bit excited to talk about it almost every time...
at work... which exciting place we shud go to,
on the way home with my hubby... what about the flight and immigration procedures,
at home... what'll we do when the training is done..,
with my mom... what would I bring for her -her birthday is coming soon-,
my friends... what you could/shud do and couldn't/shudn't do there... bla bla bla
hey... nothing about the training???
oh oh... and do you know that they just opened Universal Studios there... and... its Singapore Great Sale 2010 till end of July...
talking about right time and the right place huh...

and oh... about the training... hmm let me think... will begin to look at the document and learn about it on Monday...

have a Great Weekend...
I've started to miss my angels already.... seriously!!

Between Birthdays, Parties, Training, Excitement and Guilt

Its Friday and I got a lot of things on my mind...

This is going to be a busy weekend,,, tomorrow I will have some shopping and bday cake hunting to do for F birthday is on Monday and she wants to celebrate it with her friends at school,,, 

Sunday is another day, my brother is going to be baptized so its a morning service ended up with family gathering all day long... 

Monday is the birthday bash...getting in all the fun and a lot of presents...

Next week I'm going to be busy preparing all the docs I need for the training,,, hey,,, haven't told you about the training, okay, so me and my colleague P is going to Singapore in mid of June for a 3 day training,,, but my boss said that we're able to spend the rest of  the weekend there,,, a blast?? nah!!,, for that I'm going to miss my hubby birthday,,,,a struggle, been given a chance to put a step in another country and for FREE is definitely a gift, but missing his birthday is sucks,,, I'm tortured between the excitement of going abroad and the guilt of missing his important day,,,asking for other day arrangement for the training is impossible,,, I'm happy and pissed at the same time,,,

PINT - Big Expenses on Present

My Post It Note Tuesday is from here or you may click on below to join the fun...

HAPPY SUNDAY Y'ALL

Genesis 2 : 2-3

And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made.And God blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it: because that in it he had rested from all his work which God created and made.

Just got home from Church, and below is some snap shots of us at the car on the way to church.. We had a great Sunday.. hope you all do too... God Bless you...

..Daddy..

Even our doggy in the dashboard got the snap..

...Easter Egg Hunt...

Some picture update for the easter egg hunt... It was taken from a mobile camera.

Filia is so so excited for the hunt...

hunting...

resting for a while with 1 pink egg on her hand... its her favourite color

Fanya...

curious with her egg...

She loves to slide, but really hates hitting the grass...
They really had a lot of fun, and cannot wait for the egg hunt next year...

Easter is Just around the Corner

Easter is coming... and my office will be on a long weekend holiday. Starting this Good Friday.
And will have quite a busy weekend with family, attending Church for Holy Communion and friends meeting on Friday, Wedding reception on Saturday and finally, what my kids been waiting for, Sunday Easter Egg Hunt and morning services at church and I've got Kevin's (my niece) birthday party on Sunday afternoon. Hopefully will be able to take some good picture of it all, especially on the egg hunt.

Thanking my GOD for such a wonderful family and such a wonderful life...and how He's willing to sacrifice His life for us who believed in Him...

"Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you."

Hot Air Balloon Day

Sat, 27 March 2010

Woke up at 4.00 AM, get ready and we all leave the house around 5.30 AM, of course this kinda things will not happen if its not for Easter (where we should attend church services at 5.00 AM). So, we made the exception because its so important for my 7 year old Filia. Well, she really hope to be able to ride on one of those balloons.

And there we were, 6.00 AM, queueing for tickets on location. And sadly, after 30 minutes of waiting, there was an announcement that there will be no tickets for sold today and todays flight is going to be for invitation only (TV station, journalist, etc)... aarrrggghh.....and if you still wants to queue, it will be for tomorrow show and it also depends on the weather condition. So we can only take picture on the balloons, but it still make her a bit happy... for its her first time,

And even my luvely hubby and baby Anya is also having a good time... cheers

because it was to early and its going to be to cold for a bath, so there she is, still in her pijamas...

I guess the commitee of the show is not ready and quite suprise with the public response of the show, its normal because this is the 1st time ever held in Indonesia,. But than, theres a lot of people who is expecting to be able to ride on those balloons feel very disappointed because of the lack of information given. But, due to the show is going to be held annualy, so we have decided to be able to ride it next year...