Pour Your Heart Out - Missing My Mom

I'm not good in pouring my heart out.. I'm a keeper even though I know getting it out could make me feel better. But reading other people that participate this week gave me the courage will try to say something here that I kept with me for so long...

Thanks a lot Shell for Pour Your Heart Out ...

Owkay...

take a deep breath - here we go...

Not a lot of people knows except my family, my best friends and old family friend that my biological mom pass away while I was just -if i'm not mistaken- 6 yrs old and she was pregnant for 5 month -this one also if i'm not mistaken-, the baby went with her. Not long after she died, my father and I move to Jakarta. I live with my auntie while my father is working out of town, he gets home every 3 months, he get pretty busy and I remember how rarely we met and talk to each other.

One day, when I was almost 8, my auntie came to me and ask my idea of having a new mom... I refused... but of course.. that didn't prevent my daddy to married my new mom...

Shorten up, now I have a great mom and 2 silly brother, they always makes me laugh...

But, every family has their own story...

We never talk about my late mom, it was like she never even exist, I only have 1 picture of her liting my 4th birthday candle, my grandma gave it to me, thats it!

I don't even know if my brothers knows about this and I'm their step sister... and I dreaded their reactions if they knew.. sooner or later they will know... but that's not the point..

My unfinished feelings and questions because of the lack of communication between me and my dad.... I never really get over with her dead. There's a lot of question running around in my head, what is she like? what is her hobby? likes and dislikes? what is her favorite song? favorite food? how did she died? is it true that she died pregnant?

really... I don't know...

I don't entirely blame my parents for not telling anything to me. I too, never had the guts to ask them my questions... I'm afraid my father will be hurt and my mother will be offended...

I always had this one vision of me and my late mom doing a silly dance and sing in our old living room... but I'm not sure... probably my eagerness "created" those visions and make my self believe that it really happen... God knows how much I miss her...

some time I cry... my lovely reader knows how sloppy I am...

I cry for missing her... so deeply...

I really wish that someday I could have all the answer... hoping I could talk about her especially with my dad, I need to know his feelings towards her... I don't even know for sure if he loves her...

But, every time I miss her and needs her I know she is there...

Now I'm diverting all my love for my mom to my 2 little princess... so they have double love from me...

And each night I pray to God to keep me live for long enough to raised them and see them grow...

pppfffuiiihh... wow...that's quite a relief....

xoxo

PS. Thanks Shell...

Getting To know You - Sloppy, Belle, Plastic Surgery, Vajazzle and much more!!!

ahoy there...

Happy Sunday..

Its quite late here in Jakarta, Cute Z is sleep already... Gorgeous F is still busy with her play cards, so I have a little spare time for GTKY.. hop over to http://www.mannland5.com/ to join to fun!!





The Questions
1.If you had 5000.00 to spend on plastic surgery what would you have done?
2. Do you watch Soap operas and if so what is your favorite and why?
3. Favorite clothing brand?
4. An afternoon shopping spree at your favorite store or maid service for a year?
5. would you ever vajazzle?
6. Favorite Disney Princess?
7. Last movie that made you bawl your eyes out?
8. Have you ever broken any bones and if so what?

here's mine...

1.If you had 5000.00 to spend on plastic surgery what would you have done?
hhmm... tummy and boobs... being pregnant for 2 times and breasfeeding makes it a bit far from the original... not saying that the original is perfect, but looking at my self now... i'll beg for the original... not much... just the original...

2. Do you watch Soap operas and if so what is your favorite and why?
have not in many years... I remember one of the most famous soap opera in Indonesia "Maria Mercedes" its from Mexico... Thalia played Maria..

3. Favorite clothing brand?
Don't have anything in particular... i'll go with the design not brand

4. An afternoon shopping spree at your favorite store or maid service for a year?
ouch.. this is hard!! both??

yeah.. i go with both...

what? now, don't give me that look!! its your fault not choose both... We deserve it, mommy!!

haha... okay...
i'll go with shopping spree... because maid service is quite common in Indonesia, each house normaly had 1, we don't have to pay a lot like in several countries to have a maid service... sorry girls!

5. would you ever vajazzle?
uh uh... and make it shine like disco-ball?? dont think so... lol


6. Favorite Disney Princess?
Belle...

7. Last movie that made you bawl your eyes out?
I bawl almost on every drama... i'm a sloppy-ditch, last one is Hachiko and My Name is Khan...

8. Have you ever broken any bones and if so what?
never...

Thats it...
ups!! see.. now everyone is a sleep, even my hubby... gettin' ready to join them..

Have a blessed day everyone....

xoxo

Today.. a year a go...

Today a year a go, Gorgeous F is hospitalized because of dengue fever...
She refuses to take picture and look at the camera because she think she look awful...

Flashing back, all I remember was how cooperative she was.. she didn't cry even just a bit. Its her first time ever. Only a bit scared when the doctor comes in and take blood example from her arm every morning, but she always try not to cry... she's so brave...

She stays in for 5 days and when the doctor said that the platelet on her blood is already in normal range she could go home...

This picture is taken about 2 or 3 weeks a go, this is how she wants to take a picture... all dressed up, smiling and in style...

... time does fly fast...

xoxo

Thursday FIVE - Mi Primera Vez

Okay... this is what I called 'back to updating my blog'... after 1 week neglected, in less than 2 hour I do 2 post... 1 is about my trip to Singapore and 1 is for the Thursday 5 hosted by Keely@Mannland5... check it out and join the fun...

Just write down the things that makes you

Happy

Delighted

Grateful

Totally Stoked

or

Thankful

Here's mine : 

1.) Coming back from the trip last week and finally meet my 2 darling angels again...

2.) My big 'ole family is planning a vacation this weekend... we are planning to visit one of my uncle's  place out of town...believe me, its rarely happen because its so hard to gather them if not for Christmas and New Year.... it must be FUN...

3.) I'm grateful for today weather...coz its remind me a lot of Christmas... I really love Christmas and miss that time all year through...

4.) My new assignment... well its a bitter sweet form because in other way to say its only an additional job to be done (not additional salary though... *sigh*) , but quite excited for its a whole new experience for me...

5.) Thank GOD, because its my Mothers Birthday.... already talk to her over the phone...will probably go the her place tonight... Happy Birthday Mom... Luv U....

So.. thats that!

xoxo

I'm BACK!!

Is drizzling this morning in Jakarta, temperature is quite low but the humidity still off the hook...
not very good weather, but the drizzle remind me of Christmas morning weather... I suddenly miss Christmas....

Back from the training, the pile of delayed job is waiting at my desk and new job is also waiting...its a good trip pay in front...
Finally met my 2 angels..they all wait for me at the airport.. such a relief... give them a big hug and kisses... actually I'm the one who needed that badly... the "whats in the bag" and "what do you bring for me, mommy" question is heard right after we get in the car... lol...

I've been neglecting this blog since last week, feel like a month already...
Will start to update it again..

For now, this is some of the picture taken in SIN

In front of the famous Merlion...the trade mark of Singapore

 The girls @ Wallenius Wilhelmsen Logistics.

And the ultimate sin of all.. going to Universal Studio without the kiddos

Trust me... even though I look happy in the pic.. its really not reflecting whats on the inside... I hate going there without the kiddos... they're okay with that.. but you all mommy knows the feeling...
 
I hate not bringing my own camera... I really don't like depending on others...
But, above all the tiresome and bad feeling leaving the kids behind, I thank God and feel blessed for the chance of experiencing all that...and it gives me determination of coming back there with my family and feel the full happiness....

xoxoxoxo

Weeping.. Just Can't Stop Weeping...

I never leave my girls ever before, so this is the first time... I just can't let go of the face..

So, like i've been buzzing around all the past week that I'm going to be on training in Singapore for 5 days... and like you all know (if you been reading) that I'm so excited...

Well, my second day here isn't started yet and all I can think about is going home... I'm home sick!! I can't sleep!!

Leaving my 2 babies behind really does sucks... It had me weeping all the way trough boarding, imigration and even on plane...I just can't get over those sad face... oh well... here we go again...

okay tears...not now!!!

(Black Eyed Peas - I Gotta Feeling just turned on, its my alarm)

At least it cheer me up... a little!!

Go out and smash it, like oh may God

Jump of that sofa, lets get get off!!

Suddenly I remembered the Oprah 24 Season Kick Of Party Mob Dance... it made me smile... its soo cool isn't it!!

Anyway, so far Singapore is almost like Jakarta, only the trafic jam is lighter... will post about that later..

one more thing...

Gorgeous F leave me a surprise note on my case... I found it when I arrived at the hotel and preparing my clothes for 1st day training....

Translation :

Mom, you be good in Singapore...

Me and Cute Z would like to remind you to keep your prayers so that you'll be okay...

I pray so that you could work with happy feeling...

Regards from F and Z

I Love you Mom...

That is the sweetest thing... okay... I gotta go weep again....

It going to be the longest 5 days in my life... *big sigh*

Such a sloppy ditch momma....

GTKY SUNDAY

OMG!! its Sunday already....wew... time does fly quick...
Normally I only had churches and a good rest for a routine but since last week I added GTKY to tone up the day... muchos gracias to Mannland5 for her great idea...check out her cool website and join the fun stuff ladies!!
so here it goes...


1. If you could have one of Superman's, powers which one would you want? Superhuman strength..Flight..Superhuman speed..X-Ray vision..etc

I would choose the flight, but my hubby wont let me... he will force me to choose Superhuman Speed bcoz he thinks I'm slow... yeah right!!

2. The best thing I ever won is....?

the recognition from school for my good grades in high school... its that even count?

3. Have you ever skyped with a bloggy friend?

nope.. but that would be interesting...

4. What is your favorite Summer month?

despite of a lot of birthdays which means extra cash... I love June...

5. Pool, Lake, or Ocean?

Pool... before the tsunami I would definitely pick Ocean...


6. One of my favorite Summer memories is.....?

ever since I was married and had my eldest one, every summer is special....


7. What's your favorite secret bargain?

A cute pink turtle neck shirt which had small flowers motif,, just bought it 2 weeks a go for Rp. 35,000 or equals to USD 3.84


8. Do you plan on or have you been watching the World Cup?

Just a bit... it also because of my hubby loves football...

There it is...

Happy Sunday y'all.....

xoxo

..Busy Buzzy Week...

have been so busy lately... I even missed PINT *sigh*
Monday is my daughter birthday party.. 'twas fun, she had a great time and she received at least half of her wish list... but she hadn't got the #1 on the list... a PSP ... I know.. its so last year thing, but I always thought that she's not old enough...but well she'll get it this year... she just need to wait a bit more... a bit bit more...

anyway...

all week have been about my trip abroad... from the pile of my training docs, passport, until the tiny winy thing such as what clothe to wear, sunglasses, hat, shorts, flip flops...wait...are we on for training or traveling?? lol... okay I kinda get a bit excited... a bit excited to talk about it almost every time...
at work... which exciting place we shud go to,
on the way home with my hubby... what about the flight and immigration procedures,
at home... what'll we do when the training is done..,
with my mom... what would I bring for her -her birthday is coming soon-,
my friends... what you could/shud do and couldn't/shudn't do there... bla bla bla
hey... nothing about the training???
oh oh... and do you know that they just opened Universal Studios there... and... its Singapore Great Sale 2010 till end of July...
talking about right time and the right place huh...

and oh... about the training... hmm let me think... will begin to look at the document and learn about it on Monday...

have a Great Weekend...
I've started to miss my angels already.... seriously!!

Getting To Know You - Sunday...

Have seen the Getting to Know You - Sunday while blog walking a view days a go and can't wait for Sunday to come... so here's the question...

1. If a person has a booger in their nose. and you can see it, do you tell them?
I have friend once has it on his nose a white sticky one and we are in the middle of daybreak lunch all together with my bosses,,,, well he's sitting quite far from me so I cant tell him, actually couldn't guarantee that I would eventhough I sat next to him,,, too gross for a lunch topic,,, but on any other occasion if someone I know well and its not in the middle of any eating procession I would tell...
2. What are you passionate about?
My passion is on living abroad,,, always dream about it and hopefully oneday would come true,,, other passion is my family and shoes, don't you just love them...

3. How long have you been blogging?
I'm the rookie on the club,,,just a few month ago,,, on March,,, and been soo excited eversince,,, heyho bloggers!!

4. What is your favorite "summer" drink?
hhmm,,, around here we call it 'Susu Soda Gembira' means 'Happy Milk Soda' just like the name its the mixture of white milk, soda and a pink coconut syrup and of course a couple blog of ice,,, soooo goooood!!

5. What is your favorite type of music?
I love Pop and RnB...

6. Something I do before I go to bed is.... take a bath and clean up the bed.... which most of the people do when the got up the bed...I do it all the way around...

7. My summer vacation plans are... because we dont have summer camps or anything like that here.. probably would do the same thing last year... swimming and sleep over at granny....uuhh boring!!

8. My favorite must have, can't live without, beauty product is?
My Nivea lip gloss and my Revlon eye liner which I also use as my eyebrow pencil... its kinda work actually...


there they are... if you wud like to join, go copy and paste the question from below link... have fun!!

Between Birthdays, Parties, Training, Excitement and Guilt

Its Friday and I got a lot of things on my mind...

This is going to be a busy weekend,,, tomorrow I will have some shopping and bday cake hunting to do for F birthday is on Monday and she wants to celebrate it with her friends at school,,, 

Sunday is another day, my brother is going to be baptized so its a morning service ended up with family gathering all day long... 

Monday is the birthday bash...getting in all the fun and a lot of presents...

Next week I'm going to be busy preparing all the docs I need for the training,,, hey,,, haven't told you about the training, okay, so me and my colleague P is going to Singapore in mid of June for a 3 day training,,, but my boss said that we're able to spend the rest of  the weekend there,,, a blast?? nah!!,, for that I'm going to miss my hubby birthday,,,,a struggle, been given a chance to put a step in another country and for FREE is definitely a gift, but missing his birthday is sucks,,, I'm tortured between the excitement of going abroad and the guilt of missing his important day,,,asking for other day arrangement for the training is impossible,,, I'm happy and pissed at the same time,,,

PINT - Big Expenses on Present

My Post It Note Tuesday is from here or you may click on below to join the fun...